I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
