he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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