gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...