Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
