I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I intend to get homeless drunk
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah