Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
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I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.