it wasn't lemon gatorade
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
