C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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