Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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