I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
