Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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