I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
