fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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