C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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