I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
