i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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