im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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