I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
