marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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