I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
