I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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