yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
did i just pee glitter
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
