New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
