Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
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oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
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I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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