Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
