Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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