the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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