trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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