I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
COCAINE IS GR8
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
