Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
