bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
