He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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