My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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