saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
