Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
