I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He did a backflip because drugs
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