Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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