even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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