he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
