Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
