I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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