So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
