I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think your dad took our porno
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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