He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
