Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
