splinters make it hard to masturbate
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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