His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
