I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You need Xanax blowdarts
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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