Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
