so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
