just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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