So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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