You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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