Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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