my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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