she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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