I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
