I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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