Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found the puke drawer
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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