I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
