A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
