Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
