I seem to have left my pride at pride
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
