Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
