Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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