I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
