my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize