Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
