im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i think i have two assholes
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
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Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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