Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just threw up on my dentist
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
