instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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