You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
