cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
